Features

The sheltering world of UKEA

November 5, 2020

Välkommen!

If you’ve just graduated, separated, or taken up an expensive vice, we have the furnishings you’ll need to start your new adventure.

Check out the sampling below.

Wufhaus Doggy domicile

  • Simple fold and tab construction. Can be assembled quickly as needed.
  • Comes impregnated with smell of socks and beef jerky.
  • Floor, ceiling, and walls naturally anechoic to reduce howling leakage
  • Three sizes:
    • Chow
    • Collie
    • Husband

Materials: Cardboard, laminate, absorbent polyester

Hermitaj Alone-time shelter

  • Unpack plastic bowl and wooden spoon from separate bag. Set aside.
  • Turn large packing box with open end facing left. Tuck flaps inward to keep end open or raise upper flap and secure with tabs to form “porch.”
  • For more privacy, turn opening away from path.
  • All done!

Materials: All items and the contents of the finished Hermitaj certified biodegradable. Which is only fitting, yes?

Jermmaken Viral containment unit

  • Fully equipped Level 4 isolation laboratory for biological research at home.
  • Double Masonite walls and seamless vinyl coating make finished lab virtually release resistant.
  • Self-sealing rubber entry.
  • Comes with 12-pak of construction grade duct tape.
  • Last-resort microwave unit cooks entire interior as needed.
  • Choose custom hardware from Kitchen section
  • Emergency support number emblazoned on each piece.

Tajmahale  Timeless wonder of the (prefab) world

  • Large structure. Requires 10 or more persons for assembly.
  • Engineered materials and extra thick birch veneer for durability.
  • Towers and dome assemble without tools.
  • Optional metallic polymer “reflecting pool” feature available.
  • Vinyl marble-ette finish for monumental effect.
  • Provides shelter for up to five occupants. Not intended for actual entombment. Note terms of warranty.

While you shop

Try some of our famous “meatballs” in the dining area near the Kinderkage play area.

Ingredients: Foam, natural fiber, loganberry

Cost a problem?

Student debt and alimony shouldn’t get in the way of setting up your new “home.” At least you can get your décor together. Ask about our Loner Payment Program designed to add to your monthly obligations.

Need help?

If you can’t understand the simple polyglot drawings that came with your new UKEA item, we’re sorry. (But not as sorry as you!  Our chief designer is joking here.)  However, we offer two options to help you on your way:

Phone

Call to speak to a third grader from Uppsala who can explain what you’re doing wrong, or

In person

Bring your item to our workshop in Frickenkold for a personal tutorial by one of our reclusive “experts.” Summer only. You can’t even see our shop at night (August-April).

Image: Clker Free Vextor Images on Pixabay

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